Since we landed in the UK, every time I log into my Facebook account I am greeted in this fashion: "Hello Tricia, do you speak English (UK)?" Apparently, I don't.
Take for example the following sign that we found in a pub: "two traditional faggots braised in red onion gravy served with mushy peas and chips."
In America this would either a bundle of sticks or a not-so-politically-correct reference to homosexual males. At any rate, focusing on the words I do recognize, "mushy peas," this dish does not sound like something I would like to order in a restaurant.

So what are faggots in England? They are a kind of meatball made with offal, among other things. Here's a picture.

So what is offal? Now we're talking entrails and internal organs of butchered animals, excluding bones and muscle (thank you, Wikipedia). Isn't this how Mad Cow's disease spread in England ten years ago? This dish is still not winning my heart or my stomach.
And then there is Cockfosters (a tube termination...subway tube, you naughty readers) and bangers and mash (sausages and mashed potatoes) which, by the way is quite tasty, but sounds naughty, as well. I do hope the bangers aren't made with offal.
While at Marks & Spencer yesterday, I was told to go to the till. I asked if that was, by any chance, the cashier. It was. As I stood at the till, I noticed a reference to plimsolls. What are they? It turns out that they're sneakers, like Keds.
It is very clear to me that I do not speak English (UK) at all. I speak English (American) which means that I can use words like "pants," "fanny-pack," and "flange" proudly and without embarrassment. And so I do!
P. S. Just in case you're not familiar with black pudding (it is also served at the pub), it is a sausage made with cooking blood or dried blood with a filler (more offal?) until it is thick enough to congeal when it cools. (Wikipedia, you're making my day!)